A Modest Proposal

Is it just me, or has Dr. Strangelove been
resurrected? Our Texan president is worried
about biological weapons that threaten
the purity of our nation's precious bodily
fluids. Our attorney general is equally concerned
about terrorist threats, bare-breasted statues
and sexual behavior not santioned by the
State or the Bible. And Dr. Death, AKA
"Mr. Rumsfeld", our scientific warlock with an
honorary doctorate in weapons of mass destruction
is busy night and day sublimating his
endocrine hot-flash aggressions with Infinite
War.

What a repressed, retentive crew! Think of
their poor wives...oy veh!

Of course, our vicious Islamic enemies are
every bit as repressed. But let's not hold them
out as exemplars of evil. After all, most modern
governments have repressive laws and regulations
concerning war and sex.

It really is no wonder that Amerika is heading
for a war with Islam. We are more alike than
anyone wishes to admit. But we aren't comfortable
discussing those issues... It is much easier, and
less shameful, to wage war than to discuss our
problems and hangups with each other.

What I would like to do is provide constructive
input with this Modest Proposal: Let us Wage Pie
instead of waging war.

I know that sounds silly, but please consider
the idea before dismissing it out of hand.

Though both Islam and America have outlawed
mind-altering chemicals (unless sanctioned by
state licensed practitioners), both agree that
strong coffee is most excellent. And both
cultures are highly proficient at pastry...

If the U.S. spent just 50% of this year's military
budget waging pie, we could bring peace to the
planet and eliminate world hunger at the same time.

Two hundred billion dollars will buy a lot of
pie and coffee, especially if local ingredients
are purchased using our inflated Amerikanski dollars!

Once everyone has a belly full of pie and strong
coffee, sweetened with either honey or perhaps the
highly subversive Watermelon Sugar, who will be in
a mood to fight?