Statue of Liberty Returns to France

The statue of liberty is returning to France today. She has left New York and her torch has been seen drifting towards the European continent as of 5pm PST Thursday. It has been rumored that Lady Liberty is expatriating back to her country of origin where she will be “more appreciated”. Yesterday, before she set foot into the ocean she stated that “I was given over to this country over one hundred years ago by the people of France, as a universal symbol of political freedom and democracy. But ever since George Bush stole the Presidency in 2001, my torch for enlightening the world is irrelevant. It’s hard work holding up this damn thing and my effort needs to be acknowledged.”

She went on to say that “The Bush administration is mocking my very existence and political freedom seems to be disappearing just as Arab Americans are disappearing with the current wave of INS roundups. It seems this country does not know what the word liberty stands for. I hate war, and I hate fascists, and I hate George Bush… Viva La France!”

Over the past week she has been brushing up on her French and French cooking. She has been reading European newspapers and gaining a political consciousness that has atrophied over the past century. “Wow, they actually report the news over there..I’m amazed! I’ve found my calling…and it’s in France” She said.

A war of words has ensued on both sides of the Atlantic. Representatives of the French Government are ecstatic and eagerly await her arrival which should be Sunday. “We’re making room for her next to the Eiffel Tower in Paris. We welcome lady liberty and democracy.”

In the US, right wingers in Florida have called for a boycott of all things French. Newsmax.com, an associate of Clearchannel,( a right wing media conglomerate who has been organizing pro Bush rallies around the US) has demanded that all Americans boycott Peugeot, Renault, Requefort cheese,Yoplait, Dannon (all things yogurt), RCA, Car and Driver Magazine, Air France, L’Oreal, Glenlivet Scotch (isn’t scotch Scottish?), Elle Magazine, Bank of the West, BF Goodrich, Allegra, Motel 6, Technicolor, Total gas stations, and Jerry Springer.

In DC, a decidedly different tone came out of the white house. A spokes person for the Bush Administration stated that “if she sets so much as one foot into that ocean, she will be considered an enemy combatant and imprisoned in Guantanamo” He went on to say that “negotiations have failed, diplomatic means have failed, and we have no option but to bomb the unholy hellfire out of her…we are considering nuclear weapons at this time.”