REFLECTIONS ON THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF OUR INVALIDATED MARRIAGE LICENSES

EQUALITY CALIFORNIA

REFLECTIONS ON THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF OUR INVALIDATED MARRIAGE LICENSES

-Molly McKay, EQCA Field Director


I woke up early this morning with a strange feeling of melancholy that my conscious
mind initially could not explain. I snuggled closer to Davina and listened to her
breathe. After almost nine years together, I am still crazy about her and feel a
deep sense of gratitude to have her as my life partner, my wife -- that term
triggered the explanation for my sadness. Today is the one year anniversary of the
California Supreme Court decision declaring our cherished marriage licenses legally
"null and void."

I remember standing on the steps of the Supreme Court building, surrounded by my
fellow married same-sex couples as they peered over my shoulder. I turned the pages
with shaky hands and high hopes trying to determine what the court had decided to do
with our marriage licenses. Initially, I turned to the dissent and read encouraging
words, indicating perhaps they would leave the licenses in place until the
California Supreme Court could decide the merits of the cases and challenge the
discriminatory marriage laws that had been filed in the lower courts. My heart
filled with joy.

I remember how quickly the tears came, when my eyes fell on the majority opinion
mandating that "the licenses be declared a legal nullity." My rational mind
understood that the court's rulings focused only on the narrow question of whether
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom had the right to legalize same-sex marriage -- not
the larger issue of whether the ban on such unions is constitutional -- but it still
just hurt.

There was little time to reflect on the amazing month of marriages, how the air
throughout San Francisco had literally buzzed with love and excitement and hope; how
bouquets from around the country were delivered to couples standing in line; how
Macy's ran out of gold wedding bands. Microphones were thrust forward, "How does
it feel to have your licenses declared void?" "Didn't you expect this would happen?"
"Are you mad at the mayor for doing this to you?" It was time to take a collective
deep breath, and the 4,000 couples who had been judicially divorced against their
will, spoke out with one voice about how important this action had been -- to have
the opportunity to experience equality - to put a human face on the issue of
marriage discrimination -- to show the world the real-life couples and their
children, grandchildren and their extended family who were celebrating their
long-time commitment, finally as "spouses for life."

That day was a blur of interviews and community chapter calls, coordinating same-sex
couples and supporters in 25 different counties to simultaneously get into the
streets and speak out about the injustice of our inability to marry, to be unable to
access the 1400 rights of marriage, and to be denied this civil right that others
took for granted. I remember the demonstration outside the California Supreme Court
building that night -- where Stuart and his fiancé, still in their tuxes and leis,
cried as they spoke of how the court order had issued just as they reached the front
of the line for their appointment and how the community spontaneously responded by
acknowledging them as "spouses for life." I remember Mel and Dominic -- a
binational straight couple that had stood in line with us and now stood alone in our
crowd as the only ones left married. They shared a song (http://www.puttypeg.com/)
they had written of their experience with us that made us laugh and remember how
wonderful things had been.

As so many of you, I have many positive memories, friendships and experiences that
resulted from those wonderful six months of being married. Today, I give thanks to
the many heroes: Mayor Gavin Newsom, City Attorney Dennis Herrera, Assessor Mabel
Teng, Clerk Nancy Alfano, Mayor's staff Joe Caruso with his bullhorn and tissues,
all of the deputy marriage commissioners and city staff that dedicated hours of
non-stop work for us and the undauntable legal teams at NCLR, Lambda and ACLU (David
Codell and the other pro bono lawyers involved in our cases continue to be our
community's unsung heroes). Margaret Cho and Tuck and Patti -- performers who
donated their talents to our cause -- the Marriage Caravan of EQCA volunteer leaders
crossing the country in a bus talking about marriage equality to people across the
heartland.

Today, I am taking a moment to reflect on how far we have come and deliberately
recommitting to being a part of the rest of the fight for marriage equality -- to
see it through to the end -- we all -- gay and straight - have the opportunity to be
a part of making history -- and actually impacting whether that victory comes sooner
or later. We are facing unbelievably cruel and heartless ballot measures that seek
to eliminate all domestic partnership protections and permanently ban access to the
courts and legislature to end marriage discrimination. The proposed constitutional
amendments have no redeeming social value whatsoever -- it is an attack on tens of
thousands of law-abiding, good citizens throughout California.

Please join our statewide searchable couples database
(http://www.eqca.org/atf/cf/{687DF34F-6480-4BCD-9C2B-1F33FD8E1294}/COUPLES%20QUESTIONAIRE%20V3.PDF)
to help us continue to put our faces, our stories, our lives to this fight. We need
all hands on deck! I'm still engaged, are you? For information on how to get
involved with Equality California, go to
(http://www.eqca.org/site/apps/nl/content2.asp?c=9oINKWMCF&b=236750&ct=1275629).